Never Let Go Page 6

  “Talk to him?” I ask, running my hands down my face. What time is it? “About what? What do I say to him?” Never sighs and stands up, stumbling for a moment and putting her hand out to catch herself on the edge of the nightstand. Warning flags immediately go up in my head. “Never!” I force myself to climb out of bed, reaching out to help her steady herself. “What's going on? And don't you dare tell me nothing.” I make my voice firm as I help her back onto the bed. About five seconds later, my door opens and Ty McCabe walks in, face pinched with worry, like he could sense something was going on with his wife.

  “What happened?” he asks, looking between the two of us and kneeling on the floor in front of my sister. His dark hair is mussy but perfectly so, like he styled it to look like he just got out of bed. Both arms that peek out of his black T-shirt are covered with bright butterfly tattoos that shimmer as he takes hold of Never's hands and presses them to his lips. “I heard the worry in Zella's voice through the freaking wall.” My sister, stubborn bitch that she is, looks Ty straight in the face and purses her lips.

  “I'm a little dizzy again. That's it. It's normal in the early stages of pregnancy.” Never stops short and glances sharply up at me. I can already feel my mouth hanging open and flapping in the wind.

  “Pregnancy?” I ask stupidly, sitting down next to her. I can't quite remember how old Little Noah is, but he can't be more than four months old, right? I try to do some quick calculations in my head. “But … ”

  “I just had a baby?” Never supplies, sounding somewhat amused by the whole situation. She turns her attention back to Ty and glares. “It's not impossible.” Ty keeps his gaze focused on Never's, but he isn't smiling, not yet. He's looking at her like she might break and that if she did, it would be his fault. His ringed fingers curl around hers.

  “Nev,” he begins, but she cuts him off, withdrawing her right hand and gesturing like it's no big deal. Ty's brown eyes narrow like he isn't convinced.

  “I said I'd go to the doctor after we got back. I will. And besides, dizziness can be caused by all sorts of things. Fatigue, dehydration, not eating enough. I'm sure it's anything but the worst case scenario you have brewing inside that thick skull of yours.” She grabs his nose ring in her fingers and tugs on it. “Now go away. Zella and I are having a private conversation.”

  Ty sighs, like he knows pushing her right now will only end up with him in the doghouse, and rises to his feet, the bracelets on his arm clanking softly. He gives me a look and my face flushes. I can totally see how Never got wrapped up in this guy. Oh my God, he's a freaking heartbreaker.

  “Keep an eye on her for me, 'kay?” he asks, and I nod, watching as he leaves the room in a swirl of holey jeans and black combat boots. Never lets out a sigh as soon as the door closes behind him.

  “I can't believe you're pregnant again,” I blurt before I can help myself. Never turns to look at me, and I cringe, forcing a smile to my lips. “I mean, congratulations?” She laughs and my smile gets a little more real. “Are you excited about it?” She keeps my gaze for a moment before shifting her attention to the wispy white curtains covering the window.

  “I don't know. I'm still … undecided.” Never pauses and lifts up her sweater, showing me a T-shirt with a rib cage and a heart on it. Inside the rib cage, there's a tiny skeleton fetus curled on its side. The shirt couldn't suit my sister any better. She drops the fabric with a sigh and leans back on the bed, legs dangling over the side. “Don't underestimate the importance of condoms.”

  “I'm on the pill,” I say with a smile, letting her smack me playfully in the arm. “But I won't forget, not even when I get a chance to meet Little Noah face to face and see how freaking cute he is.” Never smiles back at me, but the expression's weak. No matter what she's telling Ty – or herself for that matter – I feel like something's wrong. I don't know why, can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there. “Are you sure you want to wait until after Christmas to go to the doctor? I know the drive up here sucks, but I could take you into town, and we could see somebody.” I purse my lips. “Have you even been to the doctor since you found out you were pregnant again?”

  Never drapes an arm over her face.

  “Aren't we supposed to be focusing on your problems right now?” She lifts her arm up to glare at me.

  “My problems aren't potentially life threatening,” I say matter-of-factly, climbing off the bed and digging around in my box of clothes. There's not much left in there that's appropriate for this weather. I'm going to have to go back to the car and dig another one out.

  “You sure about that? The second Beth finds out what happened, she's going to flip. I have a much higher chance of birthing this baby in the woods and surviving than you do of standing up to her when she's in one of her moods.” A bubble of hysterical laughter escapes my throat, but I know that Never's right. My chest constricts painfully.

  “I don't want to tell her, Nev. I can't. I … why can't we come up with some alternative scenario? You didn't go back to school and it wasn't because you were kicked out for having an eight ball of cocaine on you.” I hate how bitter my voice sounds when I say that. Fuck. It's Tuesday, four days after the incident, and I can still taste the smell of Tobias' sweat in the back of my throat, feel the blood speckling my lips.

  “Zella, it's your life. If you don't want to tell her, don't.” Never sits up, brushing back some strands of her black hair. We're the only two that have dyed ours, me and her. Just one more thing to prove how similar we really are. Unconsciously, I find my hand drifting up to tug at strands of poorly dyed brunette. It's been a whole year of me saying I was going to change it, get it done right, and a whole year of doing exactly the opposite. I've been buying the same box of crappy dye at the grocery store since last Christmas. It's time for a change. Maybe I'll go blonde this time? “But if I've learned one thing since … ” She slows down, and we both know exactly what she's referring to. Since I left. Since you all betrayed me. Since you let a murderer and a molester into our family home. “Since then, it's that honesty is the most important thing there is.” Never's hazel eyes lock onto mine. “Without it, you may as well go dunk your head in a bathtub full of lies because they will drown you eventually.”

  She stands up and I wait with bated breath to see if she's going to stumble again. But she doesn't. My sister stands with her spine rigid, shoulders back, and marches from that room like she could take on the world. And hell, what do I know? Maybe she could?

  I slip my cell in my pocket and follow after her, my hair mussy and tangled, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a loose T-shirt with the Stallions logo on the front. Oddly enough, wearing it makes me feel better, like even I get to participate in this little fantasy I've cooked up. I close the door to my room and move down the hallway after Never, waiting for the sounds of screaming and laughing and fighting to echo around me. Instead, there's nothing but the light buzz of the radio and the smell of sizzling bacon.

  “Where is everybody?” I ask as we hit the stairs and a nervous energy starts to build in my stomach. Noah. How's he going to look at me this morning? With a smile? Are we still going to play the friend game after last night? I was expecting my family to be around to act as a buffer, but the only people I see right now are Ty McCabe sitting on the couch with my first and only nephew wrapped in his arms. I can't stop the grin from crawling across my face as I jump down the last few stairs and hurry over to them.

  “At the house still. We weren't supposed to leave until Beth got off work, but my friend Lacey is meeting us here, and I didn't want her to arrive before we did.” I sit down next to Ty and hold out my arms for the baby. With a grin and a wink, he sets him in my lap and stands up, pulling out a cigarette and slipping it between his lips. I watch as Never's eyes latch onto it like they're possessed.

  “I can't believe his hair is … black,” I say as I hold my nephew and stare into his chubby face. “And that he's a boy.” Ty takes his cigarette between two fingers and throws his
head back with a burst of laughter.

  “Right? I'm starting to wonder if Never should get a maternity test,” he says as he drops his chin to his chest and gives her a look. I can't see his expression, but her lips thin and she narrows her eyes. “I thought you people could only have girls with copper hair and hazel eyes. Obviously our son is an abnormality.”

  “And he's wearing a … ” I examine Noah's outfit and raise my left brow. “A prison uniform.” The kid's got on – I kid you not – a black and white striped jumper with black suede accents at the wrists and ankles, making it look like he's got cuffs on. Ty just laughs again and pulls out a lighter, heading towards the front door with Never's gaze locked onto him like a homing beacon. As soon as he opens the front door, the dogs burst inside and explode through the kitchen. Already, I can hear Noah cursing and telling them to sit.

  When he appears in the doorway to the kitchen, my heart stumbles and I have to swallow three times before I can even speak. His blonde hair is messy and his eyes look tired. I wonder if he got any sleep last night? I never did hear him go up to his room.

  “I see you found Never?” I ask, more a question than a statement.

  “Bitch-Never,” my sister corrects as I look between the two of them and feel that familiar pang inside my heart. He named his dog after her; she named her son after him. They're tangled up in one another's lives still, whether they want to be or not.

  “As soon as they pulled up and let Angelica out of the car, she reappeared out of the woods.” Noah shrugs, and then cringes as his dog leaps up and grabs a lick off the spatula in his hand. I smile as he turns around and curses under his breath, moving to the sink and turning on the faucet.

  Never glances over at me and sees me staring, mesmerized by Noah's presence. I force myself to look away and focus on the baby.

  “He's cute, Nev.” She shrugs and sits down at the other end of the couch, kicking off her boots and stretching her legs out across the cushions.

  “Cute enough,” she replies, but she smiles when she says it. I wonder if she's told anyone else about her pregnancy and decide I better keep it to myself, just in case. I curl my arms around Little Noah and hug him to my chest, wishing guiltily that it was Big Noah here instead. Just that brief touch of bodies last night was enough to give me wet dreams. I wipe a hand across my lips to make sure I'm not drooling.

  “Breakfast is served,” Noah says, sweeping into the room with two plates clutched in his hands. The dogs follow at a respectful distance. I don't miss the fact that he goes to Never first, handing her the food with a softness in his gaze that makes me want to scream. When he comes over to me, he sets the plate down on the cushion next to me and holds his hands out for the baby. “Want me to take him for a minute, so you can eat?”

  “What about you?” I ask, feeling weird as I hand Ty's kid to his rival. By all rights, this baby should be Never and Noah's. I should be sitting here worrying only about school and not about how I'm going to make it through the holidays without jumping Noah Scott's bones.

  He smiles at me as he takes the kid and sits down directly between Never and me, rubbing his hand in small circles on the baby's back. Noah's so good with kids, it's scary. He's always telling me how he wants at least three, and I always respond with three too many because my entire life's been consumed with younger siblings. It's not that I don't like kids, I do, but I feel like I've already raised my share. Between India, Lettie, Lorri, Darla, Maple and now Autumn and Little Noah, there's no shortage of young people to satisfy any motherly instincts I might have. Besides, nobody in this family believes we're even close to finished with our expansion of the Regali gene pool. I mean, look at Never, she's already pregnant again. Not that I blame her, look at our mother. It's sort of a thing in this family.

  Just one more reason you and Noah shouldn't be together, I think as I take a bite of my bacon and lean back into the cushions. It doesn't look like he's going to acknowledge what happened last night, so I guess I won't either.

  “What time's your friend supposed to get here?” Noah asks, smiling through the mask of fatigue on his face. I watch the interaction between him and Never carefully. Fucking stalker, I think as I finish the bacon and start in on the toast. You're being a creeper, Zella. Knock it off. I force myself to look away.

  “The vague text message Lacey sent me before she got on the plane was be there when I get there, babe. I honestly have no fucking clue, but she has the address and my phone number, so I guess she'll call if she gets lost. Knowing her, she'll probably make a pit stop to fuck her girlfriend.” Noah chuckles and the sound gets trapped inside my head, echoing there and reminding me how good it felt to have his arm wrapped around my waist, his lips on my neck.

  I distract myself by pulling my phone from my pocket and checking the messages. There's one from Ciara, a couple more from various friends of mine back in Texas, and then about a dozen more from unknown numbers that just have to be Tobias.

  whr r u we need 2 tlk

  Okay, I can understand that one. Where are you? We need to talk. He said as much as last night.

  so sry wsnt me lets tlk

  Um. So sorry. Wasn't me. Let's talk. I look up and check to see if Noah's staring at me, watching me read text messages from my supposed boyfriend. He's not though. Still looking at Never. Always fucking looking at Never. I keep reading.

  srsly zel ur makin this hrd whr r u

  I'm guess this one translates to Seriously, Zella. You're making this hard. Where are you? The audacity of that statement makes me scoff and I end up deleting the whole lot of them and blocking that number, too. When I look up this time, Noah really is staring at me. Why do his eyes have to be so perfect? The color of a clear winter sky, but when the wind is cold and you know there's a storm not too far off in the distance. His gaze reminds me of the pond out back, the one that's so big it practically qualifies as a lake. I want to glance away, pretend that there's nothing between us, but it isn't true, so I just stare.

  After a moment, he smiles and I find my breath catching in my throat.

  “I take it you liked your breakfast?” he asks as I look down and find that my plate is empty. Somehow I managed to mop up both eggs, both pieces of toast, and all the bacon in record time. I look up at him and smile back. Does his chest constrict when I look at him like this? Does his body heat up whenever we're within touching distance of one another? It must, right, or he wouldn't have come onto me like he did last night.

  “It was awesome, thanks,” I say, setting the plate down for the dogs to lick. I stretch my arms over my head and watch as Noah pushes to his feet, moving over to Never and trading her the baby for the empty plate. My eyes follow his ass as he moves into the kitchen. His jeans aren't super tight, but they fit perfectly, cupping his cheeks and making me insanely jealous of the denim. It has a front row seat to the best spot in the house. I groan and drop my forehead to my knees for a split second, trying to catch my breath.

  “Stop being an idiot, Zella,” Never whispers, watching me sit here and pine for something I could easily have. Even to me, my angst seems ridiculous and borderline masochistic. Do I want to suffer? Or do I just feel like I should? I don't deserve Noah Scott, not after I fucked him and then ran back to Texas, right back to Tobias Underwood. Hell, the only reason I even started dating Tobias was because I was so obsessed with Noah. I told him I was leaving for college and he let me go. He didn't follow after me or beg me to stay, he encouraged the move. Noah didn't want me then because there was still this glimmering hope in his heart that he could have Never.

  I sit up suddenly and snatch the plate back from the dogs. This is stupid. I'm not doing this. I am not spending my entire time in this cabin feeling sorry for myself and thinking about things that happened in the past. I move into the kitchen and pause next to the dishwasher, leaning down to stick my plate in the rack.

  Noah sees me, watches me, but he doesn't say anything. I stand up and cross my arms over my chest, suddenly self-conscious about m
y lack of bra. And the way his T-shirt sticks to his abs. And the soft parting of his lips. The sigh of masculine frustration that slips between them as he turns away and starts fiddling with things on the counter.

  “The apple pie I made last night is over there if you want some,” he says, nodding his chin to indicate a glass pie stand in the center of the kitchen island. He knows that's not why I came in here though. Unfortunately, the reason that I did is a mystery even to me.

  “I'm sorry about last night,” I say, even though I don't know what it is that I'm apologizing for. Noah stops what he's doing and turns his head slowly to look at me. My pulse picks up and I find myself praying that he can't see it fluttering in my throat. As far as he knows, I'm not that interested in him. As far as he knows, I still have a fucking boyfriend.

  Silence stretches between us, making me fidget uncomfortably. As soon as this encounter is over, I'm heading out to my car, grabbing another box of clothes and taking them upstairs, so I can get ready properly. If I put on some eyeliner and comb my damn hair, I'll be able to handle these sorts of awkward situations better.

  “No,” Noah says, his voice barely audible over the cheerful buzz of Christmas tunes playing on the radio, “I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have pressured you like that. I know you have a boyfriend.” He reaches down and closes the dishwasher, and suddenly, there's this space between us that just wants to be filled. I can feel my hands twitching at my sides, feel my toes curling against the floor. I want to take the few steps separating us and slide my arms around the back of his neck, like I did the day we had our first kiss, when I finally got up the guts to say something and told him how I felt. I begged him to choose me over Never, but he either couldn't or wouldn't, I'm not sure. That was just a few days before Ty and Never left to New York and I found Noah freaking out in her bedroom. Whatever happened between that kiss and Christmas day, convinced him that he had lost. But still, he didn't want me.