Crushing Summer Read online

  “I'll be there at seven thirty,” I told him, which was true. I had some things to work out. I had to let everyone, including Heidi, know that I was not in this year, that I was sitting this one out. I would not play their games and get wrapped up in their horrors. They'd swept me up thrice before, but I was putting a stop to it. They couldn't force me to join in.

  Or could they?

  “That's the guy you want to lose your virginity to? He looks like he should be a drummer in an emo band.” I flipped the page of Heidi's magazine and tried not to get annoyed with her. Yeah, Casper was a little different, but that's what was drawing me to him. He didn't have a crew cut, and he wasn't tanned from lying out in the sun; he had tattoos and painted fingernails and mussy hair. Besides, he had just saved my life, so I was entitled to a little entanglement wasn't I? It at least warranted a movie. I tried to tell her this, but she wasn't listening. “I mean, what if he has a piercing … down there.”

  “Down there?” I raised my eyebrow. She nodded, but didn't take her eyes off the road. Nobody did, not here. It was suicide.

  “Yes, Chloe, down there. On his … you know.” I could tell she wanted to gesture her hand around for emphasis but again, you don't take your hands off the wheel when driving Sea Ridge. That would be a surefire way to end it all before summer even really got started. And my summer is going to be different this year. Not boring. Not full of false adrenaline and misplaced trust. This year, I'm going to make something happen.

  “His penis?” Heidi cringed.

  “Don't be vulgar, Chloe.” I slapped the magazine closed and let it fall to the floor where it joined a whole host of others. There were so many mags on the ground by my feet that I could barely sit in the passenger seat anymore. Usually, I just sat in the back. I scooted over a stack and tried to adjust myself.

  “How am I the one being vulgar? You're the one accusing me of wanting to lose my V card to the guy when all I've done is accept an invitation for a date.” Heidi rolled her eyes, but only for a split second, and then she hunkered down and concentrated on a particularly tight turn near the crest of the hill. This was the spot where most of the accidents happened. People coming down couldn't see you going up and vice versa. Plus, it was only one lane with no fences, just a sheer drop on one side and a mountain of sand on the other. I shivered.

  “I'm just saying that a first date on Assignment Night at the Starting Point isn't exactly the best way to start off a wholesome relationship. Remember Tat-” Heidi stopped talking. She almost said, Remember Tatiana. Nobody needed to mention her name ever again. We would always remember her sad eyes when she was chosen for the Crush. All she ever really wanted was to date Justin and now, Heidi was dating him. It was fifty shades of screwed up. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I didn't really have a choice. It was now or never.

  “I'm not participating this year,” I told Heidi. My hands gripped the side of my door as she swerved a little. Maybe bringing this up while actually on Sea Ridge Road was a mistake. I watched her turquoise eyes spinning with confused thoughts.

  “What do you mean you're not participating?” I looked away and focused on the smiling face of a model, lying crumpled beneath my yellow flip flops.

  “It's boring, Heidi. I'm done, over it. I want to spend my summer doing something … different.” Heidi scoffed at me as we crested the ridge at the top of the road and narrowly missed an orange VW that was making its way down.

  “Are you serious? The Assignment is probably the most interesting thing that ever happens here. How does bowing out on that make for an interesting summer?”

  I bit my lip and relaxed into the seat, letting my head fall back against the headrest as I tried to contemplate how to phrase what it was that I needed to say.

  “Heidi, The Assignment has been around for what … forty years? Fifty? Yeah, it's kind of … exciting at times, but it's not real, none of it is.” Heidi's eyes were already sparkling, fantasizing about what part she might play. Three years in a row, we'd both been Students. I knew she was ready for something different this time, something more glamorous, like Queen Bee or Valedictorian. “I want to break the mold, you know?”

  “And when did you decide this?” my best friend hissed at me, fingers clenching the wheel hard enough that they looked like they might snap off. “You didn't say anything this morning when we were guessing Assignments.” I took a deep breath and tried not to think of Casper. I wasn't not doing this for him. This was all about me. Yeah, he helped, a little, but this was about that feeling I'd had when I was drowning. I hadn't been that scared to die. That's sad. I mean, I didn't want to fear death, not exactly. I just wanted to love life, and there's nothing wrong with that. I pushed thoughts of Tatiana out of my mind.

  “I almost died today, Heidi. It may not have seemed like a big deal, but it was.” I looked over at her and tried to make sure that she believed what I was trying to say. I raised my brows and tried to focus my green eyes on her turquoise ones. She wouldn't look at me. “Heidi, I don't want to play games this summer. I want to live. Do you understand?” I kept staring at her, waiting for her to acknowledge my words, the strength of conviction in my voice. As far as I knew, there hadn't been a single person between the ages of thirteen and eighteen that had opted out of The Assignment since … forever. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I sure as heck knew what I was getting myself out of: false highs and false lows, a predictable train wreck of emotions, and based on last year's tragedy, an incalculable amount of risks.

  San Aplastar was not your typical small town. We did things our own way, but it wasn't a way I was comfortable with anymore. If I was honest with myself, it hadn't just been my near drowning today that made me think that way. This had been brewing for awhile.

  I repeated myself, just to make sure Heidi heard me. I'd be at the drive-in, but I wouldn't be a part of the gang, not this time. This time, I'd be there with a boy I just met, a boy with angel wings on his wrists and painted fingernails.

  “Do you understand, Heidi?”

  “Sure, Chloe,” she said as we pulled into the driveway behind my mother's BMW. “I heard you loud and bloody clear.”

  Obviously, Heidi was no longer interested in hanging out with me. I figured her mood would last for about a day, and she'd be over it. That's how things usually went. Or at least, that's how things had always gone before Justin was in the picture. Now, she was less predictable and more likely to fly off the handle.

  With a sigh, I let go of the drama and made a spur of the moment decision to keep my accident in the water to myself. Sea Ridge was a quiet beach, and it was unlikely any of the people there would report back to my mother. She was kind of the town bitch. You know, the one who made up the petition to get the cheerleading coach fired after she overheard her use the F-word during my sister's practice. The one who got all music banned from the student parking lot. The one who at that exact moment was staring at me with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

  “Hey, Mom,” I said as I slipped into the kitchen and paused with one hand on the orange terra-cotta countertop, the other hugging my bag against my hip. “What's going on?” She sipped a bit of her wine, sloshing it around inside the glass and examining it for imperfections. My mom was really good at picking out mistakes and errors in the world around her. I wished she'd stop.

  “Your sister thinks she's going to Gander's tonight,” she replied, referring to the drive-in theater. I felt a little chill race down my spine and couldn't stop my mind from going back to Casper, to the warmth I felt when his fingers brushed my skin. I held back a shiver.

  “She's twelve,” I said, wondering how Kaitlyn had gotten this idea into her head. The Assignment, as ridiculous as it was, had strict rules. Nobody under the age of thirteen was allowed to participate. Period. I felt bad for my sister in a way since most of her peers would be there, but a little relieved, too. Before, I had thought the whole thing was just a game. After last year, I knew better.

  My moth
er set her glass on the counter with a sigh.

  “Are you going.” It wasn't a question. My mother expected me to go. Everybody did. The adults actually condoned the assignment. I think they figured, hey, they'd done it when they were our age, so where was the harm in it? I didn't think they had any idea how bad it had gotten. Plus, I think my mom was holding onto some ridiculous idea that I'd get picked for Queen Bee or something. Not gonna happen. There were a lot of girls gunning for that spot who spent the entire month before school was out working up a following. My plan had been to let the chips fall as they may.

  “I have to be there by seven thirty,” is all I told her as I waited to be dismissed. If I just walked away, my mom would find some reason to call me back. So I stood there and listened to the faint drone of the TV in my sister's bedroom.

  “Do you need a ride?” she asked, and I nodded, hating the fact that I didn't have my own car yet. It was just one more thing keeping me from being independent. And that's all I wanted really, independence. I wanted a flat in the city and a job that paid alright and a night roster full of classes I didn't really need to take. I wanted three degrees, maybe four, and a boyfriend that lived with me but never tried to put a ring on my finger. I wanted to travel and eat foods I couldn't pronounce, sleep on the floor in seedy motels with foreign languages scrawled across the signs. I wanted to do what I wanted to do without thought or consequence. Mostly, I wanted experiences, and I wanted passion. That's not too much to ask, is it? Okay, so maybe it is. But I was the way I was and nobody was going to change that. “You can borrow my car if you want. Your father and I have a date tonight.” Yes! Just the words I wanted to hear. I tried not to smile. If she saw me smiling, she might change her mind.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said as she started to move away, pausing just once to glance back at me.

  “And Chloe?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Be careful for me, would you?”

  I thought about going in to see Kaitlyn, but decided against it. She'd just be angry with me, and how the hell do you deal with someone who's angry towards you, but not at you? It would've created an even bigger mess, so I avoided her, heading into my room and not bothering to lock the door. I didn't feel like I needed to. My dad never came to my room, my mother always knocked, and I didn't really mind if my sister barged in. So I left it open and descended the stairs into the basement. It was finished, of course, with small slits for windows along the east side, positioned just right so that I got a glimpse of gold in the mornings.

  The floor was carpeted (my mom's choice) with lamb's wool saxony, and the walls were done up in robin egg blue. In neat rows, I'd tacked up images of old buildings, architectural wonders, dilapidated hospitals, tree lined streets. Any place that captured my fancy went up on my wall, whether it was real or not. I'm not ashamed to admit that there were some castles made of clouds, cottages built from candy, underwater palaces. I figured that all of these other buildings were once somebody's dream, too, and they were able to make them a reality, so why not aim high?

  I dropped my bag on the floor and sat down on the edge of my bed for a moment, running my hands down my face. I felt tired, exhausted even. I guess almost drowning will do that to a person. Inside, though, I was also excited, curious.

  Casper.

  I hadn't gotten his last name, but I figured that would come later, tonight when we were snuggled up in his car (or mine). Guess I hadn't exactly puzzled that one out. What if my mother had dropped me off and he'd been dropped off and we'd had no car to watch the movie in? I shivered. That would've been a horrible way to end up tangled in Assignment Night, the night where we all gathered to vote on tiny slips of paper tossed in buckets, the night where we were all assigned our positions for the summer.

  I leaned back on the bed and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to breathe in slowly and remember all the titles.

  Queen Bee, King, Heartthrob, Crush, Valedictorian, Jock, Bad Boy, Bad Girl, Party Animal, Neighbor, Student and the worst one of them all: Outcast.

  I sighed again and sat back up. No reason for me to worry about The Assignment, right? I wasn't participating, so screw it. But I should probably warn Casper. Just because he was new didn't mean he'd be exempt. Even if he moved here yesterday, even if he moved here today, they'd still try to rope him in.

  I stood up and made my way over to my armoire, pulling the doors open and wishing with all my heart for Narnia. Hey, you never know. It could happen.

  I shuffled through my sundresses, freshly transferred from the upstairs closet into my wardrobe when the weather changed, leaving me with a whole set of choices I hadn't seen since last year. But there was nothing new, nothing exciting. I stared at them all and tried not to imagine them in shades of gray. It wasn't working. With yet another sigh, I grabbed for an orange and white polka dotted dress and slammed the doors shut. With a half hour, a needle and thread, and some elbow grease, I could spruce it up.

  I tossed the fabric onto my bed in a heap and decided to knock out my hair and makeup, so I'd be ready well in advance. And, in the event of any snafus with the sewing, I could just grab something else and go. I ended up with one eye shadowed before my phone rang. Expecting it to be Heidi, I picked up without looking.

  “Hello?” There was a small pause on the other end of the line.

  “Is this Chloe Summer?” a voice asked, taking hold of me and causing my breath to catch in my throat. I knew right away who it was. Cage Lawrence. There was no mistaking that sound, no letting it blend into the crowd of forgotten memories. It was impossible – I repeat, impossible – to forget that boy's voice. There was something godly about it, something powerful but restrained. He's a shoo-in for The King, I thought while desperately trying to reign in my suddenly dry mouth. I forced myself to swallow.

  “Yes, it is. Can I help you?” I sound so clinical. Ugh. Cage cleared his throat.

  “Thanks, Chloe. Sorry to call you out of the blue like this. My name is Cage Lawrence, and this year, I'm in charge of the voting for Assignment Night.” I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. I wondered how he got the job, how anyone got that job really. It wasn't exactly something normal. As far as I knew we were probably the only town in the United States that did anything like this. “And I was looking for volunteers. I was calling around to see who might be interested.” I paused. This didn't seem like a random call. It didn't feel like he was just testing the waters. This felt different, more personal somehow. Or maybe I was just projecting. Who knows? “Would you like to help set up?” How do I say this?

  “Um, I'm not playing this year.” A pause on the other end of the line. “I mean, I'm not signing up. I'm not putting my name in for voting.” Cage stayed silent.

  “You just want to be a Student?” he asked, not judgmental, not yet. But only because he didn't get it. I tried to imagine what he looked like before school let out. I hadn't seen him since, but I was sure he was still the same: tall, athletic, dark hair, pale eyes, pretty smile. At least half the student body had a crush on him, and, if I'm honest with myself, so did I.

  “No, I don't want to participate. At all.” More silence. Cage cleared his throat.

  “That's not really an option,” he said softly.

  “Says who?” I challenged back. “There's no law that says I have to participate. It's just a … local tradition. It isn't mandatory. And after Tatiana … ” I trailed off. Now the silence between us was deafening. Cage sighed and I could almost imagine him shaking his head and pacing, just the way he did last year when Tatiana went missing. By the time they found her body, his gray eyes were bloodshot and his olive skin was pale. He'd stayed up for three days straight looking for her, longer than any of the rest of us. I think finding her body hurt something inside of him, changed him in a way that was different than the rest of us. I've always thought that though I'm not sure why. It wasn't like Cage and I were close.

  “I won't let anything like that happen again,” he promised, the sound of clothing
rustling in the background behind his voice, smooth and clear as water over river rocks. I could almost believe him. Almost. But what happened to Tatiana was out of his control. He didn't kill her, or at least I didn't think he did. In reality, nobody really knew what had happened to the pretty girl from Brooklyn, the one with the soft smile and the quiet laugh. It'd been a huge surprise when she was chosen for the Crush position. Especially to her. Justin hadn't seemed as upset as I'd expected him to be, but maybe that's because he was already starting his affair with Heidi.

  “You can't make that promise, Cage,” I said, wondering how long it would be before this news got around. My guess was not long. Tidbits like this traveled fast in San Aplastar. With only about three hundred peers, everything was news.

  “What could I do to change your mind?” he asked abruptly, surprising me. I looked up at myself in the mirror, at my green eyes, my round lips. Sometimes I thought my mouth looked like a cherry. It was almost too circular and kind of small. And dark. Rouged, I supposed was the word.

  “Why do you care if I go or not?” I asked him, not trying to be rude or judgmental or anything. It wasn't like Cage and I hung out in entirely different circles. There was some overlap, so I didn't feel like he was looking up or down at me in that way. This whole conversation just seemed odd to me.

  “If there's something you want,” he said, and his voice dropped low, into a sultry whisper that made the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up. “Just let me know. I just want you to be there. You don't have to help with the voting.”

  “But you don't even know me,” I blurted out, focusing on my right eye, the one with makeup. It looked at least twice as big as the other. Cage's breath caught for a moment like he was surprised. When he spoke next, I could almost hear the grin in his voice.